recovering from panic.

okay. when tim and i had to take compatibility tests/surveys before we got married by the Lutheran church, the paster informed me that my self-confidence was "off the charts." on tuesday, it was also off the charts, but in the opposite direction.

however, my heart and head are better, and it all started with liz and catharine visiting.

basically, i spent the past few mornings working and the afternoons shopping and reading, and the evenings eating and watching tv. we were wild and crazy! in bed by midnight with a novel every night for the three of us crazy cooks.

and today i expect to get my new camera in the mail, and tim is expecting his new compooter. my optimism is back, and here is the reason.

during our first afternoon of shopping, i was in the car with liz and catharine and said, "hmmm...should we go out for dinner tonight or what? cause there's a great grocery store in this neighborhood so we could pick up something and cook at home?..."

and liz says something out of the side of her mouth that sounds like "oil can."

so i says, "what?"

and she says "deli roll."

here is the story on this magical treat: long ago and far away on the meberg family farm, my mom decided to use her delicious pizza dough on a new recipe from the back of country living, or something equally claudia-ish. and so the family feasted for years on the delicious 'deli roll,' which is basically a thin pizza rolled, baked, and then sliced like a jelly roll. insides can contain anything from pepperoni (my favorite), to mushrooms, canadian bacon and pineapple, whatever the heart desires.

my friend liz is the type of person that labels her one piece of cookware "the mac and cheese pot." and she's talking about kraft, just to squelch any ideas that north dakotans ever make real mac and cheese. but she has an uncanny ability to make friends with people who do like to cook and bake. so she has on several occasions enjoyed thee meberg family deli roll.

but when i was making the pizza dough at home with catharine and liz, the dough was kinda tough, and i was really nervous about the pizza dough being the second act to my sunken poppyseed cakes, the mustard seed that moved my fear of failure mountain. so i was nervous.

BUT IT TURNED OUT OKAY! the dough raised without me setting the kitchen on fire (which has been known to happen), and the middle was nice and cooked through, a common mistake with the deli roll. just like the last five times liz has enjoyed this tasty meal, she voiced an immediate need to change into elastic banded pants.

so once again, my confidence was regained. okay. if i can bake successfully, i can finish a two-year internship, start a new job, write two research papers, find an apartment in Chicago, complete my career wardrobe, and move a two-bedroom from Cincinnati to the windy city by the lake.

maybe i should be baking more.