oh no.

My friend is coming to town, yay liz! to welcome her and her friend catharine, i decided to make a cake, as catharine had once admire a picture of the barbie cake i made for my sister last summer.

but something went terribly wrong. lately i have been continually nagging at tim to help with all sorts of stuff and always end up on the receiving end of a short "no" and no explanation and offer to help in any way.

so i had leave the house a couple times to get eggs, toilet paper, and laundry detergent to wash the multitude of sheets used last night by the five strangers that stayed in our home and secretly opened and drank from a fifty dollar bottle of alcohol (they seemed really nice before we realized that had happened...)...

and i've been running around and finally finished the cakes after realizing that i had barely enough poppyseeds for a poppyseed cake and getting berated by tim because i don't treat tim like a child and S-P-E-L-L things about for him (gahhhh...the laundry needed to go into the dryer first!...GAWD YOU'RE A SELFISH ARSE...)

anyway, the cakes fell. the baking powder must have been old or something, so i ate about a quarter of one layer of cake and watched Love Actually, a movie i've borrowed several times from people and have never gotten around to watching it. tim left to have a drink with his classmates (which was something that he had plenty of time for, but, you know, no time to grab me a dozen eggs from down the block...nagnagnag).

at some point i realized that i am FFFFFFFFF-ing scared sh**less. i am SO SCARED to move to chicago and have to stay on my friend's couch for two weeks (i don't care how good of friends people are, two weeks with someone setting up a pup tent in your living room is a REALLY LONG TIME), i'm scared to travel to chicago by myself next weekend and walk around looking at apartments all day for two days in a row and must absolutely find someplace that tim likes but is close enough to public transportation and remains somewhat affordable, i'm really, really scared to start a new job right when crunch time starts for my future department/employer, and i will be either in the way or (nobody puts baby) in the corner, and not to mention it's higher ed so i have to do a bunch of signing and paper work and health insurance stuff which i've never done before. And then i have to finish oh, two 30-50 page papers, come home from chicago, be totally responsible for packing and cleaning our apartment and making sure our crazy landlady does not screw us on our deposit, and then drive a 17-foot truck to chicago alone (whine whine) and then depend on craiglist strangers to unload the truck for me. in the apartment that i do not yet have.

also, did i mention that tim has decided that he is going to bring in big bucks by spending them first, always a popular business decision. basically, the plan is to spend thousands of dollars. which i will be earning/taking out from school loans. i'm putting my trust in tim that he has a grand plan, knows how this will actually pan out. knows what to do once something is recorded, how to produce it, and how to sell it. sell what? i don't know. i'm not in on the plan. which is a little stressful. it's not tim's fault. everyone who is not a professional musician will always and forever be very confused about how musicians support themselves much less anyone else.

basically what i'm saying is i really hate trying new things.

jezuz, i gotta find some happy music.