Someone else's buhlog.

I don't even watch The Bachelorette, but I saw the beginning of it and it was horrible. So I feel that I have a bit to say about it based only my contributions to the Mad Libs inspired Designing Women Rant. Here's what I interjected:

AN APPETIZER
A FAMOUS CRIMINAL
AN INEXPENSIVE RETAILER
A SMALL AMOUNT OF MONEY
A METAL
A BREAKFAST CEREAL
AN ENVIRONMENTAL PROBLEM
A POPULAR GADGET
A JUNK FOOD
A REALITY SHOW
A KIND OF CANDY
A SPORTING EVENT
A HISTORICAL FIGURE NAMED "JOHN"
A CELEBRITY NAMED "JOHN"
AN ARTICLE OF CLOTHING
A HOME ELECTRONICS COMPONENT
A CHAIN RESTAURANT
A CITY IN THE SOUTHERN U.S.
A POPULAR TOY
A LITERARY FIGURE


And here's the creation!

I would rather spend two hours sharing curried shrimp kabobs with Voldemort than watch a woman who apparently purchased her intellect at Pamida for two dollars chase twenty-five men with biceps made of copper and heads packed with Frosted Mini-Wheats.

Because when future generations look upon what we have left for them, which may by then be little more than losing the glaciers and millions of non-biodegradable Snuggies, I fear they will conclude that they would have welcomed bread and circuses if only they had realized the alternative was Cold Stone Creamery and Wife Swap.

[sits down and crosses arms, but then immediately stands back up]

And let me tell you a little something about romance: Handing out roses like you are a mascot throwing Pop Rocks to the assembled hooligans at a North Dakota State Rodeo is not my idea of romance. Romance is a man who knows the difference between John the Baptist and John Laroquette and who is capable of putting on jumper without scratching his head as if he is connecting a stereo receiver without the instruction manual.

So do not ask yourself why I do not particularly enjoy a television show where the assembled male candidates represent romantic prospects inferior to the workers on the night shift at the Buffalo Wild Wings in Cincinanti. Ask yourself whether, after a lifetime playing with a cultural Tinker-Toy and dancing on the grave of Charlotte from Charlotte's Web, you will ever...recover...your dignity.