I started reading this post about 20 minutes ago about people suggesting their own "relationship hacks," and was completely absorbed. Tim and I have been married for almost five years, and I'm happy to say that in the last few we've discovered our own hacks.
1. Thank each other for everything. Sincerely. For example, do I believe that Tim needs to be thanked for taking out the garbage after I asked him to and give him a specific time frame? NO. But does it really matter, and will he be happier? YES. So I thank.
2. Inside jokes. Tim and I have had epic car arguments. His father eventually took pity on us and gifted a GPS for Tim's birthday a few years ago. However, we had one EPIC RIDICULOUS fight where we pulled off a highway and Tim and I couldn't decide where to eat because I didn't want to make a decision. I became immediately 100% frustrated, and when Tim yelled WHERE. WHERE DO YOU WANT TO EAT. And instead of responding "Dairy Queen" or "Subway" or "YOU PICK" which is what I had been saying before, I made this incredibly dramatic, slow motion Vanna White move with my right hand to show him that the choice was his, and there were 10,000 Taco Bells in front of us just begging to be picked. So now whenever I am grumpy and not making any sense and freaking out, Tim makes the same slow motion, left to right QVC motion of "it's all in front of you, freak show," move. It makes us both laugh, and I calm down a bit.
3. Also, Tim always suggest I eat when I am unreasonably crabby. He is usually right.
4. We spend a lot of time apart in our own house. He sits in his office, and I work on my computer in the dining room---sometimes I watch Golden Girls in the living room and he watches zombie movies on his desktop. He doesn't drag me to jazz, I don't drag him to theatre. We're much, much happier this way. It makes our afternoons together feel like a date.
5. Lastly, I realize that if I think "it's not a big deal, why doesn't he just ______________," (pick up his socks, put away the left overs, clean up the kitchen), I realize that it's NOT a big deal and just do it. It's just not worth fighting about (anymore).
Love that Tim.
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2 comments:
This makes me happy! I love the Vanna White story. I can see this fight taking place in my head. Love Ruth. Love Tim. Love Tim and Ruth!
I read through all the hacks on the link you posted and WOW! What a great thread.
For Dave and I, we always try to poke fun of ourselves as much as possible. We're not a very bicker-y couple, but if there's one place we do find ourselves getting heated more often it's when being in the car in terrible Chicago traffic. Dave always does this thing where he taps the window in the direction of where he wants me to turn and it just drives me BONKERS! So now I just do my impression of him and start tapping the window and we just start laughing and forget about it.
We don't let petty things get to us, ever. Not once have we argued about the dishes, the trash, the litterbox, etc.
Since we're not married we keep our accounts separate but they way we keep track of the groceries is by switching who pays every week. Sometimes it's cheaper, sometimes not...but in the end we're eating the same food so it doesn't really matter.
Final hack: we always, ALWAYS, cook a big breakfast together on Saturday morning. No matter how crazy the week is, we have that time together to rely on. We make good food, listen to good music, drink good tea and almost always wind up having a good conversation. Great way to end the work week and start the weekend. I look forward to it every time.
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